So your essay’s late. God forbid you never meant it to happen but with one too many parties, lie-ins and in general a high level of personal laziness, you just never really got around to it. You may find yourself running out of excuses, but never fear, as I have constructed a list of fresh explanations to ensure you get that extra extension you’ve been hoping for!
Your cat ate your work. Note: No one ever believes a dog would eat it. They’re way too loyal.
You’re cat died as he choked on your essay due to it’s general level of awesomeness.
Your Granny died. I know these things are way to serious to joke about, but hey, failing your year is no joke either. Remember, unless your parents have gone through multiple divorces you can only use this excuse twice… so use it wisely. Sometimes Grin Gran needs to take one for the team.
You suffered a sudden mystery illness…sudden because you only contracted it after your tenth Sambuca.
The English Department never sent you the essay titles… Hey, I’d believe it.
Essay writing is a collection of many different writing styles… you were just fashionably late.
The nerd you paid to do it couldn’t type fast enough.
The prick in your year took all the good library books… there’s always one.
You couldn’t find Microsoft Word on your new Trinity Wanker MacBook.
Aand finally…. You couldn’t give a shite about the shite they make you read. Amen.
If these bad boys don’t get you an extension, I don’t know what will…
Woah, I did not see this one coming! Gossip Girl actress Blake Lively,25, has tied the knot with her Green Lantern co-star and absolute babe of a human being Ryan Reynolds,35.
Jumping on the secret celebrity wedding bandwagon with Brangelina, Jessica Biel and JT, the pair wed in a private ceremony at Boone Hall Plantation in Mt. Pleasant, South Carolina on Sunday. The reception took place at the location used as Allie’s summerhouse in the tearjerker hit movie, The Notebook. Up to 60 guests attended the ceremony with music provided by Lively’s close friend Florence Welch and Bette Midler.
It’s been just over one year since Lively split from ex Leonardo DiCaprio and rumours surfaced of a relationship between the co-stars. Reynolds was previously married to actress Scarlett Johansson but the pair split in 2010 citing “irreconcilable differences.”
Reps for the stars have yet to comment on the allegations with rumours circulating that Lively is expecting her first child.
As The X Factor once again presents itself on our screens, I take a look back at the Top 10 Most Shocking Moments of the series – U.S and U.K – so far…
10) Katie Waissel’s Prostitute Granny
Everyone remembers annoying Katie Waissel from series seven with her annoying raspy voice, her overconfident attitude and her PROSTITUTE GRANNY?? But in true fighting spirit not only did Miss Waissel sing the week after the story broke, she performed “Sex On Fire” like a boss. As you do. Although Katie placed seventh in the competition she has continued her singing career and now has a hot model fiancé. Fml.
9)Zayn and Rebecca
The teenage world of Directioners were left in shock back in 2011 when 19-year-old Zayn Malik was linked to 26-year-old 2010 runner-up and mother-of-two Rebecca Ferguson. The pair reportedly hit it off whilst performing on The X Factor tour together but unfortunately split just four months later. Ferguson stated that the pair “grew apart” however both were under intense media pressure due to their six year age gap. Ah bless.
8)Cher disses Cheryl
When Cher Lloyd belted out “Turn My Swag On” on the 2010 series, the thought going through everyone’s head was “Cheryl Cole wannabe”. Her name was 2 letters off the popstars’, she looked like her and even had the same tacky hand tattoo. Cole was plagued with online abuse having picked Lloyd to go onto the live shows from bootcamp thanks to Gamugate and therefore one would be led to conclude that Cher would have the height of respect for her mentor. Well weren’t you wrong. When asked if she would like to perform a duet with Cheryl she replied, “Maybe if she sang live with me.” Ouch. Cheryl quickly took to Twitter and has later commented, “Maybe I didn’t teach her as well as I thought I had… “She’s new. She needs to learn a lot. I went through hell to get her on that programme. Everyone says stuff at the beginning of their career that they will learn to regret.” Eeeeekkkkkkk.
7)Paula kicked out
Paula Abdul is a living legend. She is after all, the one who taught us that Opposites Attract whilst dancing with an animated cat. Hero. We became so used to seeing her kicking off contestants on reality shows such as Pop Idol and American Idol that it came as a catastrophic shock to us when Simon Cowell sent her and Nicole Scherzinger shuffling off our screens on The X Factor USA. Showing no mercy, Cowell also sent host Steve Jones packing the same month. Yikes.
6) Sharon vs Steve
Simon Cowell and the entire X Factor scene have done a pretty good job in trying to erase Season 1 winner Steve Brookstein from the show’s history. But who can forget Sharon’s infamous tirade against the singer. Instead of spelling it out I’ll just let you watch it for yourself. Of late Brookstein has coasted on his failed music career, most recently supporting Rage Against The Machine as Christmas #1 over The X Factor Winner’s Song and launching a Twitter tirade against One Direction’s Louis Tomlinson. You stay classy Steve.
5) Caroline Flack and Harry Styles
When you have the possibility of dating an international teenage boyband heartthrob, there is always the guarantee of a backlash from devoted and slightly obsessive fans. However, when you are 15 years older than the 17-year-old lad, things can get a little out of hand. Coming in as the fifth most shocking X Factor moment of all time is Xtra Factor presenter Caroline Flack’s slightly inappropriate relationship with One Direction star Harry Styles. However the three month fling came to an end back in January following immense pressure from the media with Caroline even receiving death threats. The 32-year-old stated: “‘In future the easiest thing is that I keep it to myself. I can’t believe how much attention there was on me.” R.IP Chazza.
4) Simon Leaves
With his fake teeth, fake moobs and perfectly quiffed hair, Simon Cowell stood as the creator, the God and the Daddy of The X Factor. Therefore nothing surprised us more than him packing his bags, bringing in Gary Barlow and jetting off to the U S of A to establish the highly successful X Factor US.
Way back at number 8 we recalled how Cheryl picked Cher Lloyd to go through to the live shows back in 2010 along with Katie Waissel and sent home Gamu Nhengu despite the latter giving a flawless performance and the previous two messing up their auditions. The decision resulted in Gamugate and involved poor aul Cheryl getting death threats. Although the show’s producers insisted it was Cheryl’s choice, Cole stated that she was told to send home the Nigerian songstress due to problems with her visa. One way or another the surge of support from the public was not enough to get Gamu back onto the show and left Cheryl’s X Factor image less well off.
2)Cheryl kicked out
When Cheryl Cole left the U.K for the U.S to sit with Simon Cowell as a judge on what would become the biggest reality show in America, she could most definitely have been forgiven for assuming she was about to become a global superstar. One can only imagine that the last thing she expected was to be booted off the show, replaced by Nicole Scherzinger on the judging panel and sent packing back to the recording studio without even the prospect of the U.K show in her sights. However in true strong independent woman fashion, Cheryl has bounced back with her second album A Million Lights. Back on that horse.
1)Simon and Dannii’s affair
Coming in as the number one Most Shocking X Factor moment is Simon Cowell and Dannii Minogue’s secret love affair. An unauthorised biography on the pop mogul called The Intimate Life Of Simon Cowell, revealed that the 52-year-old felt “like a schoolboy. She was foxy. She was a real man’s girl. Very feminine. It was genuine love.” Dannii who split with fiancé Kris Smith earlier this year refused to comment on the reports with Cowell tweeting, “Just seen the TV ad for the unauthorised book on me. Yikes!” We’ll be keeping an eye on this one.