Realistic Excuses for Your Essay Being a Few Days/Months Late…

So your essay’s late. God forbid you never meant it to happen but with one too many parties, lie-ins and in general a high level of personal laziness, you just never really got around to it. You may find yourself running out of excuses, but never fear, as I have constructed a list of fresh explanations to ensure you get that extra extension you’ve been hoping for!

  •  Your cat ate your work. Note: No one ever believes a dog would eat it. They’re way too loyal.
  •  You’re cat died as he choked on your essay due to it’s general level of awesomeness.
  •  Your Granny died. I know these things are way to serious to joke about, but hey, failing your year is no joke either. Remember, unless your parents have gone through multiple divorces you can only use this excuse twice… so use it wisely. Sometimes Grin Gran needs to take one for the team.
  •  You suffered a sudden mystery illness…sudden because you only contracted it after your tenth Sambuca.
  •  The English Department never sent you the essay titles… Hey, I’d believe it.
  •  Essay writing is a collection of many different writing styles… you were just fashionably late.
  •  The nerd you paid to do it couldn’t type fast enough.
  •  The prick in your year took all the good library books… there’s always one.
  •  You couldn’t find Microsoft Word on your new Trinity Wanker MacBook.
  • Aand finally…. You couldn’t give a shite about the shite they make you read. Amen.

If these bad boys don’t get you an extension, I don’t know what will…

 

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Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively Wed in Romantic Private Ceremony…

Woah, I did not see this one coming! Gossip Girl actress Blake Lively,25, has tied the knot with her Green Lantern co-star and absolute babe of a human being Ryan Reynolds,35.

Jumping on the secret celebrity wedding bandwagon with Brangelina, Jessica Biel and JT, the pair wed in a private ceremony at Boone Hall Plantation in Mt. Pleasant, South Carolina on Sunday. The reception took place at the location used as Allie’s summerhouse in the tearjerker hit movie, The Notebook. Up to 60 guests attended the ceremony with music provided by Lively’s close friend Florence Welch and Bette Midler.

It’s been just over one year since Lively split from ex Leonardo DiCaprio and rumours surfaced of a relationship between the co-stars. Reynolds was previously married to actress Scarlett Johansson but the pair split in 2010 citing “irreconcilable differences.”

Reps for the stars have yet to comment on the allegations with rumours circulating that Lively is expecting her first child.

The X Factor: Top 10 Most Shocking Moments…

As The X Factor once again presents itself on our screens, I take a look back at the Top 10 Most Shocking Moments of the series – U.S and U.K – so far…

10) Katie Waissel’s  Prostitute Granny

Everyone remembers annoying Katie Waissel from series seven with her annoying raspy voice, her overconfident attitude and her PROSTITUTE GRANNY?? But in true fighting spirit not only did Miss Waissel sing the week after the story broke, she performed “Sex On Fire” like a boss. As you do. Although Katie placed seventh in the competition she has continued her singing career and now has a hot model fiancé. Fml.

9)Zayn and Rebecca

The teenage world of Directioners were left in shock back in 2011 when 19-year-old Zayn Malik was linked to 26-year-old 2010 runner-up and mother-of-two Rebecca Ferguson. The pair reportedly hit it off whilst performing on The X Factor tour together but unfortunately split just four months later. Ferguson stated that the pair “grew apart” however both were under intense media pressure due to their six year age gap. Ah bless.

8)Cher disses Cheryl 

Goin’ out looking like Cheryl Cole…
Comin’ home looking like Cher Lloyd

When Cher Lloyd belted out “Turn My Swag On” on the 2010 series, the thought going through everyone’s head was “Cheryl Cole wannabe”. Her name was 2 letters off the popstars’, she looked like her and even had the same tacky hand tattoo. Cole was plagued with online abuse having picked Lloyd to go onto the live shows from bootcamp thanks to Gamugate and therefore one would be led to conclude that Cher would have the height of respect for her mentor. Well weren’t you wrong. When asked if she would like to perform a duet with Cheryl she replied, “Maybe if she sang live with me.” Ouch. Cheryl quickly took to Twitter and has later commented, “Maybe I didn’t teach her as well as I thought I had… “She’s new. She needs to learn a lot. I went through hell to get her on that programme. Everyone says stuff at the beginning of their career that they will learn to regret.” Eeeeekkkkkkk.

7)Paula kicked out

Paula Abdul is a living legend. She is after all, the one who taught us that Opposites Attract whilst dancing with an animated cat. Hero. We became so used to seeing her kicking off contestants on reality shows such as Pop Idol and American Idol that it came as a catastrophic shock to us when Simon Cowell sent her and Nicole Scherzinger shuffling off our screens on The X Factor USA. Showing no mercy, Cowell also sent host Steve Jones packing the same month. Yikes.  

6) Sharon vs Steve 

Simon Cowell and the entire X Factor scene have done a pretty good job in trying to erase Season 1 winner Steve Brookstein from the show’s history. But who can forget Sharon’s infamous tirade against the singer. Instead of spelling it out I’ll just let you watch it for yourself. Of late Brookstein has coasted on his failed music career, most recently supporting Rage Against The Machine as Christmas #1 over The X Factor Winner’s Song and launching a Twitter tirade against One Direction’s Louis Tomlinson. You stay classy Steve.

5) Caroline Flack and Harry Styles 

When you have the possibility of dating an international teenage boyband heartthrob, there is always the guarantee of a backlash from devoted and slightly obsessive fans. However, when you are 15 years older than the 17-year-old lad, things can get a little out of hand. Coming in as the fifth most shocking X Factor moment of all time is Xtra Factor presenter Caroline Flack’s slightly inappropriate relationship with One Direction star Harry Styles. However the three month fling came to an end back in January following immense pressure from the media with Caroline even receiving death threats. The 32-year-old stated: “‘In future the easiest thing is that I keep it to myself. I can’t believe how much attention there was on me.” R.IP Chazza.

4) Simon Leaves 

With his fake teeth, fake moobs and perfectly quiffed hair, Simon Cowell stood as the creator, the God and the Daddy of The X Factor. Therefore nothing surprised us more than him packing his bags, bringing in Gary Barlow and jetting off to the U S of A to establish the highly successful X Factor US. 

3)Gamugate

Way back at number 8 we recalled how Cheryl picked Cher Lloyd to go through to the live shows back in 2010 along with Katie Waissel and sent home Gamu Nhengu despite the latter giving a flawless performance and the previous two messing up their auditions. The decision resulted in Gamugate and involved poor aul Cheryl getting death threats. Although the show’s producers insisted it was Cheryl’s choice, Cole stated that she was told to send home the Nigerian songstress due to problems with her visa. One way or another the surge of support from the public was not enough to get Gamu back onto the show and left Cheryl’s X Factor image less well off.

2)Cheryl kicked out

When Cheryl Cole left the U.K for the U.S to sit with Simon Cowell as a judge on what would become the biggest reality show in America, she could most definitely have been forgiven for assuming she was about to become a global superstar. One can only imagine that the last thing she expected was to be booted off the show, replaced by Nicole Scherzinger on the judging panel and sent packing back to the recording studio without even the prospect of the U.K show in her sights. However in true strong independent woman fashion, Cheryl has bounced back with her second album A Million Lights. Back on that horse.

  1)Simon and Dannii’s affair  

Coming in as the number one Most Shocking X Factor moment is Simon Cowell and Dannii Minogue’s secret love affair. An unauthorised biography on the pop mogul called The Intimate Life Of Simon Cowell, revealed that the 52-year-old felt “like a schoolboy. She was foxy. She was a real man’s girl. Very feminine. It was genuine love.” Dannii who split with fiancé Kris Smith earlier this year refused to comment on the reports with Cowell tweeting, “Just seen the TV ad for the unauthorised book on me. Yikes!” We’ll be keeping an eye on this one.

Top 5 Foods for 90s Kids…

5) Bubble Tape:

Why have a packet of gum when you could have a ROLL!?! If you didn’t have one of these bad boys to constantly chew on, you had no hope of surviving on the playground. It didn’t even taste like anything apart from artificial strawberry but we had fun cutting it and playing with it so it really doesn’t matter…

4)Baby Bottle Pop

An addictive sweet with an even more addictive and annoying television ad. Not to mention the awkwardness of trying to walk around sucking on this bad boy all day. A good childhood memory nonetheless…

3) Sunny D:

Technically a drink, not a food but if you had this in your lunch bottle in school, you knew you were one fly kid. I distinctly remember this tasted nothing like orange juice, but it came in a cool bottle so we didn’t really care.

 

2) Fat Frog

So good that they made it into an alcoholic drink so that 90s kids could continue their love of the appley goodness long after the ice-cream was discontinued. Rumoured to be making a sneaky HB comeback.

 

 

1) BN BN:

Quite possibly the most amazing food ever created EVER. A whole packet could be diminished in the space of two hungry siblings finding them in the press.. It was genuinely impossible for any child to hold the packet in their hand without singing the annoying theme tune. So important in a 90s child’s life that it has it’s own Wikipedia page. Aw yeah.

Lance Armstrong to be Stripped of Seven Tour Wins Following Doping Claims

Cancer survivor,  cycling legend and all round sporting hero Lance Armstrong has decided not to contest the latest claims brought against him by the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency and will consequently have his seven Tour de France wins ” obliterated” and see himself banned from the sport for life.

The 40-year-old cyclist who retired from the sport last year released a statement on his website in which he proclaimed “Enough is enough. For me, that time is now.” The Texas born star has always denied any allegations of drug-use and has been fighting off claims from the USADA following allegations in 2009 that he used performance-enhancing drugs to improve his endurance in the sport. He has stated before he would “jump at the chance” to prove his innocence before ultimately refusing “to participate in a process that is so one-sided and unfair.”

Armstrong’s attorney released a statement in which revealed the sporting hero had “passed every drug test ever administered to him in his career – a total of 500 to 600 tests” and that this was “more drug tests than any athlete in history.”

The record breaking Tour winner says he will now concentrate on his charity “Livestrong” set up following his own battle with testicular cancer. He stated:

 “I will no longer address this issue, regardless of the circumstances. I will commit myself to the work I began before ever winning a single Tour de France title: serving people and families affected by cancer, especially those in underserved communities. This October, my Foundation will celebrate 15 years of service to cancer survivors and the milestone of raising nearly $500 million.”

Meanwhile the International Cycling Union (UCI) –  the Cycling world’s governing body – has said they will await a report from the USADA before commenting on Armstrong’s case.

What Happens In Vegas,Goes On the Internet. Naked Pictures of Prince Harry Leaked…

Our favourite Royal Prince Harry has been caught up in a rather unfortunate and awkward situation after images of his crown jewels have been posted on celebrity entertainment website TMZ.
Prince Harry Naked Pictures
Clearly enjoying himself too much as he partied in his penthouse suite in Las Vegas’ five-star Wynn Hotel with friends, Harry can be seen cavorting naked around his hotel room with an unidentified and also nude female. According to the website, the young Royal and his entourage picked up some “hot chicks” at the bar of the hotel and continued the party back at his suite later on in the night.

In one photo the Prince is seen hiding his genitals as a clearly topless woman stands behind him and in another he is seen bear-hugging another naked female… as you do.

After two weeks of looking sweet and innocent at the Olympics, it’s hard to blame the lad for wanting to let his bits loose. But when your Granny is the Queen of England, it becomes slightly more embarrassing…

A spokesperson for the Royal family said “We have no comment to make on the photos at this time.”

Prince Harry Naked Pictures
Courtesy of TMZ

The Prince has since returned to England amid the controversy to undertake his military duties. We have a feeling he’s in for a royal spanking… and not the type he may have become accustomed to in Vegas…

Tom Daley: Kassidy Is Not My Girlfriend

Okay, I’m about as confused as a cow on AstroTurf.

Tom Daley Girlfriend Kassidy Cook
Friends With Benefits??

After what has been a week of highly publicised hand-holding, thigh-rubbing and picture tweeting, Tom Daley has officially told Heat magazine that he is not in a relationship with American diver Kassidy Cook and is still on the market.

When questioned as to whether he is in a relationship with the stunning brunette he simply replied

 No, well… no… We’re just really good friends…. She dislocated her shoulder about three weeks ago, and she was a bit upset, so I said; “Well why don’t you come over to Plymouth and stay in London and just chillax with me for a week?”

The Olympic Bronze medalist continued:

“I think I’m too young for a relationship. I’ve always been quite independent, so I quite like not having a relationship – just generally being young, I guess. I like a girl who looks after herself and exercises, because I’m always around athletes.”

Undoubtedly this will come as a massive shock to bloggers and fans alike. Personally, I don’t depart from clubs hand in hand with my male friends, place my hand suggestively on their legs or pose lovingly with them in photographs. One could be led to suspect that this is just a publicity stunt. With the amount of female attention Tom is receiving at the moment, could his management be advising him to keep his relationship with Kassidy on the DL? Therefore Tom keeps the media attention on himself and his sponsors and Kassidy avoids the internet abuse from dedicated TD fans. Just a thought. Maybe they really are just good friends.

When asked about whether he ever snogged the American, Tom reportedly blushed and said:

“Well, you know… we’re friends.”

Tom Daley Heat Magazine Girlfriend
Credit: Heat Magazine

So that’s a yes then Tom? The comments come in the new edition of the magazine in which Tom gets a Clark Kent makeover. We shall watch this space…

Top 10 Sexiest Irish “Celebrities…”

It came as what can only be described as a moment of complete and utter sweet happiness this week when I discovered that Chris Evans, The Avengers Assemble and Fantastic Four star, was of Irish decent. Victory! At last we can prove to the world that we are not a nation of gingers, pale skin and one too many freckles. Unsurprisingly this new found knowledge has culminated in a list containing the ten hottest Irish celebrities (and believe me, I use “celebrities” as a very loose term) who inhabit this beautiful island with their very own universal beauty.

5) Rosanna Davison
Rosanna Davison
Daughter of legendary singer Chris de Burgh, Rosanna shot to fame in 2003 when she became the first Irish woman ever to win the Miss World competition in Sanya, China. Since her famous victory she likes to spend her time doing various photo-calls with boyfriend Wesley Quirke and has adopted her fathers last name in a bid to crack the modelling scene in the U.K. She also does charity work for several animal charities in Ireland. Either way she comes in at number 5 in our countdown.

 

 

4) Sarah Morrissey 

Sarah MorrisseySince being crowned Miss Ireland in 2006 and finishing in the top 25 during the Miss World competition the same year, Sarah Morrissey has gone on to become one of the most famous and photographed models in Ireland.In 2011 she modeled as  the face of college budget-friendly A|wear and comes in as the 4th most beautiful woman in Ireland on our list.

 

 

 

 

 

3) Amy Huberman 

Amy Huberman Starting out as an actress on RTÉ show The Clinic, Amy Huberman soared to high-profile status following the release of her very own novel Hello Heartbreak and stepping out at the 2007 Rugby World Cup as the girlfriend of Irish Rugby Captain Brian O’ Driscoll.The pair tied the knot back in and the 33-year-old IFTA winner has most recently worked filming pilots for a new television show in the States. With her gorgeous blue eyes and blonde hair we salute Ms. Huberman as the third most beautiful woman in Ireland.

 

 

2) Rozanna Purcell 

Rozanna Purcell
Coming in at number 2 as Ireland’s second hottest female is Miss Universe Ireland 2010 Rozanna Purcell. Finishing top 10 in the entire competition, Roz has also gone on to have an extremely successful career in modelling after being signed to Andrea Roche’s agency back in 2010/2011. Appearing on T.V shows such as Come Dine With Me (which she went on to win) and expressing a desire to appear on Celebrity Big Brother means that 21-year-old Roz plans to stay in the Irish limelight for a looooong time. And with her natural beauty, we can honestly say that we don’t mind…

 

1) Georgia Salpa
Georgia Salpa
Racing in at number 1 to take the crown as Ireland’s most beautiful woman is our very own Kim Kardashian Georgia Salpa. Half Greek, half Irish (we’ll take her) the 27 year old was scouted at the age of just 14 and has made appearances on various RTÉ T.V shows. Her most high-profile relationship was with English bad boy Callum Best however she later dismissed the relationship as “a simple fling.” With an appearance on CBB, Georgia has made a name for herself in Britain and has since moved to England in pursuit of a career.In May 2012 she was voted No.5 on the top 100 list of Sexiest Women In The World and is rarely seen fully clothed. Georgia Salpa, we salute you.

 

 

ANNNDDD, THE MEN….

 

5) Cillian Murphy
Cillian Murphy
Coming in at number five on our male countdown is Irishman Cillian Murphy. Now married with two sons, Cillian resides in London and leads a very private personal life. Having starred in major blockbuster films such as Batman Begins, The Wind That Shakes The Barley and Red Eye, Cork native Murphy has sealed his place in many an Irish and worldwide heart. Whether he plays a rich businessman’s son in Inception or a glam transgender teenager in Breakfast on Pluto, there is no denying that everyone loves a bit of Cillian Murphy.

 

 

4) Tommy Bowe
Tommy Bowe
The only sportsperson to feature on our list and facing stiff competition from his Irish teammates, Monaghan native Tommy Bowe storms in as the fourth sexiest Irishman of all time. Having completed a transfer from Welsh side Ospreys back to his native Ulster, Bowe has stolen the heart of many an Irish cailín with his fast-pace, bulging muscles and amazing personality. He is currently dating former Miss Wales Lucy Whitehouse.

 

 

3) Michael Fassbender
Michael Fassbender
Born in Heidelberg in Germany to a German father and Irish mother and raised in County Kerry, Michael Fassbender has gone from small Irish country boy to worldwide pin-up following roles in Hunger, Inglorious Basterds, A Dangerous Method and most recently Shame and the Ridley Scott directed Prometheus. 
With his charming personality, ridiculous good looks and fantastic sense of humour, Fassbender undoubtedly deserves his place as the third sexiest male in Ireland.

 

2) Jonathan Rhys Meyers

Jonathan Rhys-Meyers
Where on earth has this beautiful, beautiful man gone? As second sexiest man in Ireland we think it’s about time he made a public appearance or two to satisfy our craving for his amazing good looks. Jonathan Rhys-Meyers is best known for his appearances in movies such as Bend It Like Beckham, August Rush and Mission Impossible III but is best known for his performance as King Henry VIII in television series The Tudors. Last in the public eye following a series of drunken and disorderly acts at various airports around the world, Rhys-Meyers has kept an extremely low-profile over the past year but is still dating long-term girlfriend make-up heir Reena Hammer.

 

1) Colin Farrell

Colin Farrell

Coming in as Ireland’s sexiest man is the legendary Castleknock native and Irish answer to Johnny Depp, Colin Farrell. Currently out on the promotional tour for his new movie Total Recall, Farrell is proving why he has stayed as the Irish male pin-up for years on end. With films such as Phone Booth, Alexander and a Golden Globe award for Best Actor in a film for In Bruges, Farrell shows that he has the talent as well as the looks. And lets face it, everyone loves a bad boy. G’wan Colin you babe. ❤

Tom Daley’s “Girlfriend,” Who is Kassidy Cook??

Since the Olympics began Team GB Diver Tom Daley has peaked to ultimate pin-up status with his glowing tan, sparkling teeth and perfect abs. All this has culminated in “Tom Daley,” “Tom Daley Six-Pack” and”Does Tom Daley have a girlfriend?” being the most searched TD related items on the internet. Although no reports have been confirmed, I regret to inform the entire teenage population around the world that it would appear Tom is in a relationship, however I aim to provide you with all you need to know about 17-year-old Kassidy Cook who has stolen the heart of the 18-year-old Olympic Diver and British nation.
Tom Daley/ Kassidy Cook Girlfriend

Born in Florida and raised in Texas, Kassidy started diving at a young age where she met Tom at various diving competitions. Having missed out on a spot at the London Olympics due to a dislocated shoulder, Kassidy touched down in London following rumoured love interest Tom’s bronze medal performance at the Games to celebrate with friends.

Tom Daley Girlfriend Kassidy Cook
Rumours of a romance surfaced when Tom tweeted Cook wishing her a speedy recovery just before the Olympics began and Kassidy tweeting a picture of the pair when they were just 13-years-old. The rumour mill then went into overdrive when the American beauty attended the Lion King performance in Covent Garden on August 15th with Daley and tweeted a picture of the pair looking cosy after the play. The duo then hit London town following Tom’s A Level results being released in which he obtained a A in Spanish and Maths and an A* in Photography and were seen leaving the Funky Buddha hand in hand.

Along with the success of a good-looking international pin-up comes legions of fans and whether or not the reports that have been suggested are true, Miss Cook has already become a target for over-enthusiastic, protective and downright obsessive TD fans from around the world.

If you ask our opinion, fans need to calm down. Following the heat and over-publicized two weeks the athletes endured during the Olympics one can only imagine that what they do in their spare time in the weeks to follow to unwind and relax should stay their business without the intrusion of internet trolls on bitch patrol. However, we do await with interest more details of the cuteness that is the Tom/Kassidy relationship, which by the way, is still a better love story than Twilight :-P.
Tom Daley/ Kassidy Cook Girlfriend