Katy Perry is officially free from all ties with ex-husband Russell Brand.
Although the pair finalized their divorce back in February, Californian law required them to wait six months for the union to be officially dissolved. The finalization brings about an official end to their 14 month marriage which began when the pair wed in October 2010. The pair split after Brand filed for divorce in December 2011 citing “irreconcilable differences.”
Just last month, the pair’s relationship sparked trouble with Brand in the U.K, after both stars appeared on The Graham Norton Show in back-to-back weeks. Brand slammed Norton after he was asked about his ex-wife who had appeared on the show the week before leaving his mother extremely upset. Brand quipped:
“My mum is here. She got upset when you dragged up my marriage. I saw her cry, Graham. That’s the reality because it’s real people, Graham, that’s my real mum. I have come here to promote a film and you made my mum cry. I don’t see you as that sort of person, Graham.”
So for future reference to interviewers, when Mammy Brand is around, the now officially dissolved relationship is officially off bounds.
With college being finito, we all now have more free time to watch T.V, films and in general return to our lives as bums in society. But before we can settle into our unproductive and inactive lives we need to know what will satisfy our depreciating concentration levels.
Firstly if you like Thor, Captain America, The Hulk, Iron Man or other super hot superheroes in general then The Avengers Assemble is definitely a movie that you should not miss. Hollywood –clearly with women across the globe in mind – have brought together all of these superheroes for what is being called “the film of the century.” Even if you are interested in seeing the action of the film, the eye-candy will most definitely please if all else fails. Even the men can marvel at the beauty of Scarlett Johansson. I cannot put into words how jealous I am of her being one of the ONLY female leads in the film as the Black Widow. Chris Evans NOM.
The Hunger Games is also an amazing film that you should watch if you get the chance. Basically the plot is that a selected group of teens must kill each other in a twisted sort of game until one remains. And there is a love story in there too amid all the killings and violence. Ah bless. I recently had a type of hunger games in my house too when there was only one Easter egg left between five children. Scary times.
Another violent/sciencey/action film that was recently released was Battleship. I’m not gonna lie, I haven’t seen it but I do know that Princess RiRi herself is in it. How she managed that, I have no idea. The film cost $200 MILLION to make so I suppose a chunk of that went to hiring her. Our very own Liam Neeson makes an appearance as well as new heartthrob on my list Taylor Kitsch, helloooo. So, although I haven’t seen it, I did see the trailer and was impressed. It features Rihanna holding a massive, humongous gun/cannon thing and the only line she says is…. “Boom.” Given the props at her disposal, if I was the director I would probably use something along the lines of “CHRIS BROWN COME AT ME BRO!” But that’s just me.
For all the oldies, Titanic 3D has been released so we can see the little steam droplets on the carriage that Rose and Jack, ahem, you know in. James Cameron spent 60 weeks and $18 million creating the remake. If you liked his masterpiece that was Avatar then you will not want to miss this experience. Katy Perry also has a new 3D movie coming out soon called quite shockingly “Katy Perry: Part of Me in 3D.” I wonder what genius came up with that great name. Why it’s in 3D I don’t know. Probably for all the haters who want to be able to see if celebrities really have such good skin and whatnot. I’m sure though that any footage including Russell Brand has since been edited out. We shall wait with abated breath to see.
Poor, gorgeous, hunky Zac Efron recently had a bit of an awky momo at the premiere of his movie “Dr Seuss’ The Lorax.” Whilst walking the red carpet a condom fell out of his pocket :o. Shock horror for his squeaky clean High School Musical fans. He laughed off the incident with one interviewer suggesting he was promoting safe sex. Yeah, to the five/six year old target audience. Anyway the brand was apparently Trojan – 15% larger than the average brand! Whoa!!! Suddenly got a little hot in here.
These movies should keep you occupied for at least a week. As for me, I have a million episodes of Glee, Grey’s Anatomy and Graham Norton to catch up on. How weird it will be to be able to converse with people about recent televised programming. Happy being a waster! Enjoy!
Alas the summer is upon us. Exams are over, stress levels have dissipated and lectures and tutorials are all but a distant memory. Through the intense “study” and “hard work” that was done throughout the college term (cough), one can only be forgiven for failing to keep up-to-date with all the celebrity socialising and scandals that have taken place over the past six months. But never fear my friends as I feel it is within my duty to keep you informed about the latest and most important news in the world of Celebland. So having read this lil’ summary of the top events of the year so far, you’ll be giving Mr. Perez Hilton himself a run for his money.
I hate to start the countdown on a cheesy and depressing pun but Houston, we have a problem. On the 11th February, the world of celebrities and average peasants alike waved goodbye to one the most talented singing sensations on the planet. Whitney Houston was found in the bath of her hotel room on the eve of The Grammy Awards and later pronounced dead at the scene. The troubled singer’s autopsy revealed that the cause of death was drowning, effects of heart disease and cocaine use. For one night only the world joined to commemorate the life of an exceptional talent, and naturally enough a Glee tribute episode has since been aired. Whitney Houston, R.I.P. We will always love you. (One of my last puns I swear.)
But as they say with a death comes new life… or some saying along those lines. In early February, the music industry’s biggest couple brought a little (Blue) ray of hope into their lives. Yes in nothing but true luxury, Beyoncé welcomed Blue Ivy Carter into a life which will undoubtedly be filled with bling, Barbies and Bentleys. In a touching tribute to his daughter, Jay-Z released his single “Glory” which features little Blue Ivy towards the end. Jay-Z raps “I paint the sky Blue/ My greatest creation was you.” Er, maybe someone should tell Jay-Z to take of his shades. He will realise that the sky is already blue… Nonetheless we understand what he means… kind of. Mrs. B herself was only recently named World’s Most Beautiful Woman by People Magazine. Obviously she had much greater competition than FHM’s winner Tulisa Contostavlos. What has become of the world we do not know…
Just as birth and death in Celebland go hand in hand, surprisingly enough so does marriage and divorce. Unfortunately for this next star, she covered them both this year. Who else could it be only Kim Kardashian? If you don’t know who she is, she is the girl that Georgia Salpa looks like. And if you don’t know who Georgia Salpa is then you’re a failure to men across the nation. Poor aul’ Kim K’s marriage to NBA star Kris Humphries lasted a meagre 72 days. Her marriage was supposed to be a rival to Kate and William’s, but it turned out to be more like Charles and Diana’s minus the philandering, royalty and world famous car crash… well just the divorce part really. But that was back in December and eight months in their money and glamour filled world is about a month in the life of plebs like us. So her new man is none other than Kanye “Imma let you finish” West. Seriously Kim Kim, did you see the MTV Music Awards before?? Doesn’t seem like a very nice person. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.
Another divorce that we were sad to see was that of Katy Perry and Russell Brand. The two famous crazies called quits on their 14 month marriage and officially divorced in February. Now, we could be all sad about this but since the split Katy has banged out some whopper angry choons such as: “This is the part of me that you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no/ This is the part of me that you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no/Throw your sticks and stones/ Throw your bombs and your blows/ But you’re not gonna break my soul/ This is the part of me that you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no,” *whilst violently finger wagging and screaming into hairbrush. You go guurll!
Another famous popstar who has been giving it her all in the music of late is Nicki Minaj. I will admit that yes, she is a legend, but I am convinced if you take the word b*tch and mothaf*cka out of her vocabulary her songs will be left lyric-less. If one brightly coloured, eyelash fluttering woman wasn’t enough, Nicki has created a nation of “Barbz.” Yes. A NATION OF BARBZ, i.e. a nation of mini Nicki Minajs’. If you can think of all of Lady Gaga’s little “monsters,” apply the Barbz as an evil, corruptive and evil group of Barbies from Toy Story to that concept, then you are slightly along the right path. If you ask me, celebs are taking the world domination idea waaay too far these days. However I am currently in the process of creating my own “Shaniques/Shaunzz” nation. Anyone interested feel free to get in contact (please?)
So as if Barbz, little monsters and Beliebers weren’t enough, a new force is slowly but surely invading the minds of teenage girls across the globe… Directioners. According to Urban Dictionary “A Directioner is someone who is a dedicated fan for life of a band called One Direction. A Directioner knows more about the One Direction boys then they know about themselves.” Niall and co. feel free to call the police on 911 anytime. It seems like only a year ago they were baby faced cutie pies on The X Factor. Just five boys with a dream… a dream of getting older women it seems. First Zayn Malik hooked up with mum of two Rebecca Ferguson and then Harry Styles works the charm on 32 year old Caroline Flack. It seems that all women who are in any way connected with the One Direction boys immediately receive death threats on Twitter and Facebook. So once again lads, I will stress it, 911.
So there you have it. You are now up to a socially acceptable level of celebrity entertainment news. If the past six months have been anything to go by, then this summer is going be one keraazy rollercoaster through the triumphs and turmoils of the people who make our lives seem like shit. Oh well, bring it on celebrities. We await your next move.